How to overcome self-doubt?
5 useful tips to help you settle your nerves.
How often do you doubt your decisions?
Occasionally, every once in a while, or perpetually?
Where do these qualms arise from?
Is it self-doubt stemming from previous disappointments, or is it the fear of repercussions of that decision itself—the imminent failure?
For my own part, I often take impulsive strides with a 'jo hoga dekha jayega' (damn the consequences) attitude, but sometimes when I can't pull a mellow mien, I wallow in worry and over-scrutinize everything for hours at a stretch. Lately, this latter bit has been happening rather frequently and all at the expense of my mental peace. As evidenced by the trepidation, it is not the best feeling.
No one is born doubting oneself, it is an acquired trait. We learn to doubt our capabilities subsequent to our interactions with the vox populi. As children, we naturally traverse with confidence aplenty, but by the time we reach adulthood, our elemental confidence has tapered off into oblivion due to negative experiences. The tormenting misgivings arise in times of crises, especially when we are faced with new or challenging situations, and drive us up the wall.
One could postulate that self-doubt is the toughest emotion to struggle with. It can have a significant impact on an individual's self-esteem and can lead to feelings of indecision and self-resentment.
In the process of managing my quandaries, I have discovered five things that help combat self-doubt and beef up my confidence. Because I know I am not the only one who grapples for better control in contingencies, I have compiled these five things in the hope that they might help you too.
1. Stop comparing your achievements with that of others.
Over time, I have realized that I feel the most inept when I compare my achievements with that of my peers.
If I compare myself with people who are performing better than me, I feel inadequate, and if I compare my accomplishments with those who underperformed, I get too complacent for my own good. This comparison cycle is a catch-22 situation.
You must understand that although it is not wrong to derive motivation from someone else's achievements, using them as a yardstick to measure your level of success is not the right way to go about it. We are all unique with distinct capabilities and talents, hence we must evaluate ourselves against who we were yesterday, instead of comparing ourselves with others. We should learn to accept that there will always be someone more successful or better-looking than us. Even Jeff Bezos was surpassed by Elon Musk as the world's richest man in 2022.
2. Don't let social media fool you.
Some might say that this point is the same as the previous point, but bear with me as I explain the subtle nuances.
Since the advent of social media, it has appropriated a large portion of our lives—on average, an internet user spends almost 6.5 hours online per day. As per my phone's digital well-being settings, a major part of my screen time is spent on Instagram and although I go on the app for multiple reasons, I cannot deny that I have previously been sucked into a fictitious battle between me and a total stranger. So what does this social comparison give rise to? It affects our mental health—not only does it increase anxiety, but it also leads to diffidence and low self-esteem, which further exacerbates self-doubt.
We compare ourselves to the picture-perfect versions of people without understanding that we are comparing our 'real' selves to their 'reel' (edited and polished) selves. We are either oblivious of or choose to ignore the work that the influencers put into rendering an all-but-perfect and immaculate image of themselves and take their online impressions to be the bona fide without acknowledging the social media factor.
3. Take a break and think about how far you have come from where you started.
This easy practice always proves fruitful for me. Whenever I feel low or incapable, I analyze my achievements retrospectively, and voilà, it always bails me out.
It is easy to practice self-compassion, let me show you how.
Anytime you feel that you are not worthy enough just think about all the things in your life that have changed over the years, meditate upon your past accomplishments, and ruminate on the person you were at the same time last year. I am sure you will be able to recollect more than two things that have evolved and identify at least one that you are proud of.
Make it a habit and notice for yourself as you transform from a self-deprecating to a self-appreciating person.
4. Identify your real friends and family.
A family is like a miniature society and as a primary agent of socialization, it plays a pivotal role in the development of a personality.
Most people love spending time with their families, they wait for occasions when they can get together with all the multi-generational family members to celebrate festivals and go on fun vacations, but unfortunately, not all of us share that kind of camaraderie with our kin. Some of us have narcissistic relatives who like to breach the code of kinship and derive pleasure from their patronizing attitudes; not to offend anyone, but the narcissistic kin can be your parent as well.
In a similar fashion, many of us have had unpleasant experiences of dealing with fake friends. A fake friend is someone who might seem reliable at first but can transform into one not so sincere.
Recognizing your fundamental need and letting the toxic people go is paramount in such a situation. Naturally, it is easier said than done, but you must learn to differentiate your true family and friends from those who just want to bring you down if you wish to be happy. In case it is improbable to relinquish the relation completely, you should reduce contact and try to keep the person at arm's length.
Understand that though we cannot choose our family, we can certainly choose our friends, so choose wisely and remove yourself from the company of those who disparage you.
5. Identify your limiting beliefs and try to overcome them.
What is a limiting belief?
A limiting belief is a yarn that we spin to compel ourselves to accept our situation as it is, and we do this because we believe it is the absolute truth of who we are. It is a restrictive personal lens through which we view our capabilities.
"I am not good with numbers." "I have stage fright." "I'm not a public speaker." "I'm not a good leader."
You ought to have heard one of these statements from a friend or a co-worker. Maybe you have used it as an excuse sometime for yourself. These are all limiting beliefs that hold you down by inculcating in you a sense of fear and self-doubt. You must get rid of them.
As a first step to overcoming this restrictive mindset, you need to identify the targeted belief that you want to eliminate. Next, search for the source of the belief—accept that this belief is based on fallacies and find its root cause. Once you understand what the limiting belief is and where it comes from, the last step is to challenge it by developing an alternative positive affirmation for it.
For instance, if you feel that you are not good enough for a job, reframe that thought by telling yourself that you deserve the promotion because you have worked hard for it.
Remember that you are not alone and even your favorite celebrities experience limiting beliefs at some stage in their lives.
It is good to be cautious, but always being wary of situations will only amplify your confusion. Worrying excessively can seriously mess up your self-esteem and instill in you a fear of rejection, which further deters potent actions. However, it is okay to have second thoughts and be scared sometimes, because that only indicates how important a thing is in your life — it implies you have found something that you think is worth your while. In fact, if you don't have any doubts, it simply means that you don't care enough about it.
So let those doubts be your motivation to do better each time because you have the potential to achieve anything that you set your heart on. Have faith, take some risks, make mistakes, learn from them, and do your best. You are smarter than you perceive yourself to be. Capisce?
